Poop and Warriors

Austen and I bonded over poop (sorry, Tyson, I don't feel like typing '# 2' a thousand times, plus 'poop' is funnier)
Austen had an accident. He hadn't done this in probably a year, so I knew it must have been pretty embarrasing for him so I was trying to handle it with grace and style. I told him to stand still and let me carefully pull his jammies and nunders off. The jammies came easy, then the poopy nunders. Well, they left some residue so I carefully placed the poopy underpants on the LEDGE of the toilet bowl and flushed the toilet (it had some pee pee in it-Austen doesn't always flush) because I had to rinse the underwear out and didn't want to do it in pee pee water. As soon as Austen saw me he screamed and grabbed the underwear. He thought I was flushing them down the toilet. I reached for the underwear and tried to reason with him that I was not flushing them down because they weren't IN the toilet, I just wanted to flush the pee pee. Finally he hands the underwear over and I begin the cleanup process. At this time, the toilet bowl has refilled with new pee-free water so I drop the underwear IN the toilet, to be soaked and plunged and retrieved in a moment, hopefully poop free. Well, you can imagine what happens next... The underwear are now wet with toilet water and very poopy, wet poop, and Austen is apparently terrified that I am on a mission to flush his favorite Spidey underwear. So he reaches in a grabs them before I can stop him. I try to grab them out of his hands, he swings them around in an effort to keep them away from me. So at this point, he is erratically swinging wet, poopy underwear all over the bathroom and the poop is flying. Literally. It is now on the sink, counter, floor, Austen, (who I have yet to clean from his initial encounter with the poop) the stool, the toilet, me and the rug. Oh, and did I mention that we are both screaming at this point? He is screaming in fear and anger that I am flushing his underwear and I am screaming simply because I don't know what else to do-I want to reason with him, but there just hasn't been the time. I want to laugh, because this is some funny stuff but I don't, I don't know why. So I scream. And I am not talking about "screaming" a.k.a. yelling or speaking loudly as if to reprimand, I am screaming. At the top of my lungs, as is Austen. Finally, FINALLY, I stop screaming and begin to reason with the child. I do this by eventually winning the poopy underwear flinging contest and I snag them. I then show him, step by step, how one dunks and swirls poopy underwear in the toilet to get the poop out. Plop, the poop falls in to the toilet. "See," I say "THAT is what I wanted to do." "Oh," he replies, "I am so sorry, mommy." Then I cleaned Austen. Then I cleaned the bathroom.
Uncle Chris the Baker, this is what my kids call Chris Baker. I think it is funny.
Henner says "blelly" instead of "belly" I think this is adorable.
I babysat 2 additional boys overnight last week. This went very smoothly and the destruction was kept to a minimum with the exception of two incdents.
1. Andrew convinced Austen that the best way to retrieve the baseball bats off of the patio roof was to throw everything else in the backyard up on to the patio roof. This includes, toys, tools, balls, and even lawn chairs. I walked outside to see what all the ruckus was and to my astonishment, the patio roof looked like the patio. I wanted to be so stern and mad but all I could do was laugh. And laugh. And laugh. I retreived the ladder and sent Austen up there with the admonition to NEVER EVER CLIMB UP THERE ALONE EVER and let him throw all the stuff down. I did not go myself for two reasons, one, I am notoriously bad on ladders and two, I didn't think the aluminum roof would support my fluffy self. He threw everything down, and before we learned better, threw a chair onto the patio. It shattered. Then I told him to throw the remaining chairs on to the grass. They survived. We all survived. Barely.
2. The second incident was regarding a certain formerly battery operated crocodile. I wasn't there but I have assembled the following theory for what occurred. Andrew asked why the crocodile didn't work anymore. (because we got it wet) Austen said some kind of nonsense to the effect of "I broke it." Andrew said he thought he could fix it if we could just take it apart and look at the wires. How do I know wires were mentioned? We shall see. Later the two boys came upstairs with the tail end of a decapitated crocodile. I was not too alarmed, it was a stupid broken toy. The next day, Tyson was steaming because of all the destruction that any child + our child manage to get into when not closely observed. So I asked Austen why they took the crocodile apart. "The warriors," he told me. The warriors? "The warriors" I got him to say this several times, trying to figure out what he was talking about. Not getting it, I asked him to show me these warriors. He did. They were wires. Wires from inside the crocodile. I can only imagine the thoughts that went through his head when Andrew said that there were warriors inside the crocodile. I am guessing he could not wait to break that baby open and see these elusive "crocodile warriors."

Want to hear my dream? (oldie)

I had to pee so I was going to WalMart. I was with Sarah. When we got there my friend Abby got on the intercom and announced: "Rebekah, if you still like pickles, we have some hum-dingers here in the snack shop." So I went to the snack shop. When I got there, I asked if the pickles were cold. They were in a cardboard box and very cold. I said I couldn't wait to eat one but I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I asked where the bathroom was. Abby pointed at a sign by the door that said: "restroom is under construction, the nearest restroom is 1029484 inches or 3849 feet or 4883 yard or 4.1 miles away." When I finally got there, I walked in, passed the line and discovered no empty stalls so I turned around and low and behold, only men were in the line. Two of the men I knew, one was Alan Corbin, our choir director and the other was Justin, my boyfriend from high school. I said "I'm in the men's room arent I?" They all nodded.
Then my mom called and woke me up and I had to go to the bathroom really bad.

an oldie

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

NOT a prodigy, perhaps a savant-just not a musical one...
Current mood: disappointed


I had my first piano lesson today. Or, as I like to call it, Piano Lesson of Death. I don't know what I was expecting but I would have to classify it as a near failure. My fearless teacher, another Rebekah, announced to me weeks ago that she LOVES teaching piano to adults. Having cultivated an interest over time, I took this as an opportunity and an invitation. As it turns out, she loves teaching INTELLIGENT adults and I do not fit in this catagory. Again, I do not know what I was expecting-certainly not instant success. Most certainly not to be able to play like Ben Folds my first time out. I think what disappointed me about my experience was my complete inability to remember what I had been told immediately after it had been told to me.

So, in conclusion: I DO know where middle C is on the piano, I DO NOT know where it is on a page in spite of Rebekah's best efforts. Something about fat angus's or something...






I want to play like ben folds....
you have all the cool friends.
my kudos are for the other rebekah.

-Posted by Sarah Loves Jeremy on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 2:12 PM



I agree. Kudos to the other Rebekah.

-Posted by Tyson Aaron on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 2:23 PM



Thanks.

-Posted by spe©ialbekah on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 2:47 PM



maybe you could just develop a musical ear, and learn to play by sound, not reading music! Kudos for giving it a whirl though!

-Posted by Magpie on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 2:37 PM



I think you have to be born with those kinds of ears. I certainly was not.

-Posted by spe©ialbekah on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 8:43 PM



I told you in the conversation when we talked about your piano lessons. You are an idiot just not piano savant. Maybe mama savant or Colony savant, or potato soup savant. Well, you can't have everything. Your father played the guitar quite well. Sorry you got my part fo the music genes. Poor baby.

-Posted by Brookiemom on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 7:52 PM


thanks, mom, you're an idiot too.

-Posted by spe©ialbekah on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 8:41 PM


I think it is great that you are learning something new, it is good for your brain. Please go and do another piano lesson! i sat down yesterday and played the same songs i have been playing since i quit piano in third grade and it felt nice. you will learn someday! keep plunking away at those keys. Oh and call Ben Folds and ask him how many years of piano he took and if he can read all the notes on the page. when you are rich and famous and performing infront of millions on the piano remember who encouraged you. (ME) and give me free tickets. PS you are very intellegent! you picked a wonderful husband, you have a job you love most of the time. you have a wonderful listening year to friends in need. you are an awesome parent, and you make beautiful cakes. you are a genious!

-Posted by Mommy of Many on Friday, May 02, 2008 - 2:48 PM

My Day (an instant messaging conversation I had with my sister, Tom)

Tom: yay
I get to leave in two and a half hours!
Rebekah: now you are bragging
i never get to leave my job
Tom: yeah but your job is more funner
Rebekah: sometimes
not today
they were making me crazy
henner said he was thirsty
so austen took an ice cream bucket and filled it with water
in the bathroom
and they carried it around the house
Tom: LOL
that's awesome
Rebekah: all this while i was chatting with you
Tom: brilliant
Rebekah: there are big wet spots all over the carpet all over the house
meanwhile aaron and henner STINK
but i am having too much fun to change them
Tom: lol
Rebekah: so i finally remove aaron from the hamper where austen had placed him
and hold him while i type so he can stink in my lap and blow rasberries on my arm while i try to communicate with my sister
now henry and austen are soaking wet
and henry is wearing his favorite outfit (buzz lightyear, of course) so when i try to remove it for his nap he throws a fit
austen was wearing his favorite too (lightening mcqueen) but he is slightly more reasonable
and he lets me take his shorts off with the promise that i will wash them
aaron by this time is livid because somehow in the mix be became soaking wet and combine that with a stinky diaper you have a SCREAMING 10 month old
i finally calmed him down with a pacifier and his musical bear in his crib
then have to deal with henner who is still screaming about taking buzz off
i deal with this by placing him in his crib, shutting the door, and walking away.
now my house is wet, smells like poop, and we are having the hubbarts over for dinner (Rachel is a NEAT freak)
I have stopped caring about such things
now does my job sound funner?

April Fools, Bad Austen, Transformers, and A Big Secret

April Fools:

My mom and sister played an April Fools joke on me, they convinced me that my sister had become engaged. It was mostly successful, although I did wonder why my sister wouldn’t call me and tell me herself.

Bad Austen:

My friend, The Awesome Photographer, (Kristie Stone) took pictures of Austen. He is pretty squirrely so it is miraculous when there is one good picture of him, she ended up with at least 6. Of these, she made a collage. In most of the pictures, Austen is smiling, but in one his arms are crossed and he looks kind of stern. When Austen saw it, he went through the whole line of pictures of Austen saying "good Austen, good Austen, good Austen, good Austen, good Austen, BAD Austen" (to the stern picture) We thought this was somewhat amusing.

Transformers:

Austen loves Transformers. He put a Transformers DVD in today. It was one that I checked out at the library for him. He can’t watch it because evidently it has cusses in it. I told him he couldn’t watch it. He said, "I just like the song." So he listened to the Transformers menu for about 30 minutes. (Transformers! More than meets the eye! Transformers! Robots in disguise! Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.) Over and over and over and over. Also, he got his hodgepodge box of broken transformers out and showed one to Tyson saying "Stephen broke this one" (one that actually wasn’t broken) Tyson was alarmed. Austen then clarified: "Well, he didn’t break it yet." Apt observation, we watch Stephen 2-3 times a week and by the end of my babysitting endeavor I am guessing more than one Transformer will bite the dust. Another Transformer story: I moved said box of Transformers to a new location in the basement. Austen couldn’t find it. He came upstairs and asked me. I was ignoring him. He asked me again. I was playing Settlers of Catan so I ignored him again. He asked probably 25-30 times. It was getting kind of funny for me so I started pretending that I couldn’t see or hear him. He caught on so I told him where the Transformers were. He didn’t care anymore, he said: "do it some more." He likes it when I ignore him. This relationship may work out after all...

A Big Secret:

April Fools!

New Orleans

The first thing me and my sweety did was walk ourselves down to the French Quarter to get some seafood. This was my first experience with the local cuisine. I had a crawfish po-boy which was served to me by a waiter named Reggie Bush. It was delicious. He was not the real Reggie Bush, however.

My delicious Po-boy. Highly recommended.

This is a beer in a tree. It was there for I think, three days.

This is my lovely hotel room in the 100 year old Le Pavillion Hotel. I think the bed was 100 years old too.

The lobby of Le Pavillion

Later that first day... bengeits. French donuts doused in sugar. Need I say more?

Tyson, looking stern and unimpressed.

It tastes better out of glass bottles.

$3 a pop. Worth every penny.

Mr. Lafayette, apparently someone significant in the history of Louisiana.

A "Toasted Katrina."

A riverboat. I thought it was nice.

Something interesting I learned. (dripping with sarcasm)

A shark.

I thought this was hilarious. Apparently something you are not supposed to do when stung by a jellyfish.

Me on the Canal Street Ferry.

Me and a soft shell crab.

Softshell crab, jambalaya, (not so good) black beans and rice, (yum) and gumbo. (excellent)

The restaurant with the gumbo. In a building where Andrew Jackson signed a treaty after the Battle of New Orleans. Very Interesting. Dude! I was in a building that Andrew Jackson was in!

Mostly I just missed these guys, though.

I MISS MY BOYS

I miss this one.










I miss these.