You would think...

One would think that I would have had a better handle on things, been able to better deal with the situation... but I couldn't. Even as Austen's Mom, I was completely out of my element. I. Did. Not. Know. What. To. Do.

Let me catch you up:

Place: Rachel Hubbart's House
Time: Friday, October 24, 2008, around 3:00 pm.

Two of my children, Henry and Aaron had been playing quietly in Drew's bedroom for some time. I had been sitting on the floor in the hostess' bedroom going through scrapbook supplies. I looked up at one point to see Henry walk across the hall into the bathroom. He had no pants on. He had appeared to have had an accident of the stinky variety. I got up, stating something like, "oops, Henner had an accident." I walked into the hall just in time to see Aaron follow Henry out of Drew's room. Something was amiss. Aaron had something on his face. Before I completely realized what it was, he popped his pacifier into his mouth and let out two small cries. I figured it out. The brown substance on Aaron's face was Henry's. Henry's #2. That's right, folks, feces. I began to scream. I screamed, "OH NO OH NO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO" for several minutes until Rachel quieted me, stating "What, it's just an accident? What is the big deal?" She was behind me, she couldn't see Aaron. "IT'S. IN. HIS. MOUTH!"
I had no idea what to do. I have never felt this out of my element in my life. Keep in mind, I have cleaned up a lot of this variety of mess in my short career as a mother. Remember my earlier comment about being Austen's Mom? For instance the "Thomas in the mud on the tracks" incident?? (It wasn't mud) But in a mouth?!? What do I do? Here is what I did:

1. Put both boys into the tub.
2. Turned the water on.
3. Removed Aaron's shirt and used it to scoop remaining solids out of his mouth.
4. Wet and lathered a bar of soap then shoved bar of soap into Aaron's mouth.
5. Washed Aaron's hands.
6. Washed Aaron's body.
7. Repeat step 4 several more times.
8. Repeat step 5 .
9. Repeat step 6.
10. Washed Henry.
11. Removed Aaron from tub.
12. Dressed Aaron.
13. Poured mouthwash into Aaron's mouth and wiped insides of mouth with fingers. (at this point the child swallowed mouthwash and I began to panic, thinking, "there is alcohol in mouthwash, I am poisoning my baby!!!" then realized that at this point a tiny amount of alcohol would probably do more good than harm)
Finally # 14. I Dressed Henry.

Keep in mind, this all happened within only a few moments so I did not completely absorb everything that had happened when scouring mouths and sanitizing digestive tracts of said children.

For the rest of our afternoon at the Hubbart's I still smelled Henry's mess. It did not appear to be on my anywhere and I knew that Henry and Aaron were as clean as I could make them after their experiences and wearing clean clothes so I was at a loss as to where the smell was coming from. I realized it a short time later... It was in my hair. Aaron had reached up and grabbed my hair and in my panic I had not noticed it. I had to get out of there. I wanted a shower and I wanted it fast. Children and goods were loaded within moments and I was on my way home to clean my smelly, smelly hair.

As soon as I got home I got in the shower and began vigorously cleaning the section of my hair above my left ear where I had made my gruesome discovery. I cleaned my hair there very thoroughly and went on to wash the rest of my head. The hair above my ear was not the only place Aaron had touched, evidently. There was a significantly larger and smellier deposit on the very tippity top of my head. I have never cleaned my hair as thoroughly nor as many times as I did that day. I still feel contaminated when I think about it. I assume I always will.