Pete is bursting with pride.
He was literally dancing circles around me.
He made his own dinner you see.
He found a grilled cheese sandwich in the fridge wrapped in foil, (who knows how old it was)threw the foil away, placed the sandwich in the microwave, hit the correct buttons,(!)and then ate it.
I was in bed but Annie saw the whole thing. When I got up he was dancing around me (with his mouth full of you guessed it: grilled cheese sandwich)singing:
"Petah maka sammmmwish''
No way, you say?
Yep.
The boy is way too cute.
At least I think so
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
"Aaron hates losing" or "Aaron gets it, why can't you?"
Last week I had to go down to the church during school to return a book to the library and to get a new one. I left the two smallest children at home with Annie and took Aaron with me. On the way there, Aaron wanted to race me so I ran. Of course I ran faster than him and he hates losing so he started urging me to to hold his hand, knowing it would slow me down. Naturally I refused and kept running. As we neared the end of the parking lot and approached the grass area beside the church I decided to show off a little and leap over one of the parking bumpers. I, of course, tripped, as one tends to do when one is showing off. Since it was a trip at high speed, I ended up rolling. My ankle and me, finishing up with a summersault and landing face first, nose mashed into the grass. My ankle did hurt but mostly I stayed down there in the grass because I was laughing so hard. Aaron panicked, assuming I was dead or similar. After a few moments he realized I was laughing and joined in, "you fell and that was funny, mommy," confirming my long held belief that: "Falling is always funny."
Thursday, November 17, 2011
jury duty
Servo's got jury duty. She is taking it very seriously. She's texting me while she waits for instructions! Let me show you...
Servo: Some guy brought a notebook. What a suck-up.
The sea captain is a sea captain.
Servo: And a pen. He wishes he were a lawyer.
me: what's with the sea captain?
Servo: This guy wearing a red turtle neck and blue knit cap
Servo: and a biiiiig white beard
me: Santa Waldo?
Servo: Think ye olde time sea captain
Me: Veteran of His Majesty's Royal Navy?
Servo: Less classy
Me: arrrrr
Servo: He's awesome. I'd serve with him.
Me: In the Royal Navy or the jury? Cuz you know woman can't serve in the Royal Navy...
Servo: Jury. Obviously.
Me: I'm pretty sure American's can't serve in the Royal Navy either...
Servo: They'd let me in.
Me: Probably.
Me: Benedict.
AND:
Servo: I've seen Law & Order - I've got this.
Me: dun dun dun dun dun
Servo: Some guy brought a notebook. What a suck-up.
The sea captain is a sea captain.
Servo: And a pen. He wishes he were a lawyer.
me: what's with the sea captain?
Servo: This guy wearing a red turtle neck and blue knit cap
Servo: and a biiiiig white beard
me: Santa Waldo?
Servo: Think ye olde time sea captain
Me: Veteran of His Majesty's Royal Navy?
Servo: Less classy
Me: arrrrr
Servo: He's awesome. I'd serve with him.
Me: In the Royal Navy or the jury? Cuz you know woman can't serve in the Royal Navy...
Servo: Jury. Obviously.
Me: I'm pretty sure American's can't serve in the Royal Navy either...
Servo: They'd let me in.
Me: Probably.
Me: Benedict.
AND:
Servo: I've seen Law & Order - I've got this.
Me: dun dun dun dun dun
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
an hour that will live in infamy
October 28, 2011
Normal morning, normal afternoon. I delayed nap a little later than usual because I was waiting for Abby to bring Luke and Allison over to take their naps here while she cleaned. At about 1:45 I put Peter, Lizzy, Luke, and Allison to bed. Peter and Lizzy were in their rooms, in their usual beds. Luke was on the couch in the basement and Allison was in the pack & play in my office/sewing room. Aaron was last, I put him to bed in my room at about 5 'till two. I gave him a stack of books to read which I normally do when I don't have the time to read him his "Five books, mom. Just five... okay four. Four books." and so on, while we negotiate. All this so Erin and I could have the privacy to attempt a Pilates workout video. At about 2:00, Tyson came home to change for P.E. He changed, said hello to Aaron, and left at about ten after. We waited for Tyson to leave before we turned on the tape.
After Tyson left, Erin and I began our Pilates. At some point during the video, Annie left and came back, having taken James for a walk. When Erin and I had completely exhausted ourselves and finished only about 2/3 of the workout, we concluded that our legs were rubbery enough and decided to call it quits.
I went in my room to change out of my sweats. It was right before 3:00. Aaron was not in my bed. This was not particularly alarming because I hadn't read to him until he fell asleep so it was normal that he would get out of bed and wander off to play. Unusual though, that I hadn't heard him go by the living room, which he would have had to do do if he had gone downstairs. I went downstairs to look for him. I looked in Joel and Annie's room, the playroom, the storage room, the boys' room, the living room, and all the nooks and crannies in those rooms. I looked under beds, behind furniture, under furniture, in closets, behind totes, and behind curtains in every room downstairs. Then I looked upstairs. By now I had told Annie that I couldn't find Aaron and all this time so far Erin had been looking too. He wasn't in the house. This had never happened before. I didn't want to panic. I'm not a panic kind of person. I also don't cry at weddings.
I went to the church to look for him. My next best guess was that he went down there to visit with dad or find his brothers. As I arrived at the church, school was just getting out but the side doors were still locked so I rattled the door until someone came and opened it. Mrs. Gritton came to see who was rattling the doors since apparently it's hard on the locks to do that. I can see why she was annoyed and any other time I would have been contrite but at the time I was thinking, "my son is lost and you're worried about me damaging the locks?!" I told her as I ran by that Aaron was lost and I was looking at the church for him. I found Ty, told him that Aaron was missing and then went home to look again.
At some point during the initial search Kelly Correll called me to see if she could drop off some clothes. I told her that Aaron was missing and then hung up on her. So rude! At this point Annie and Erin were tracing the route Annie had taken on her walk to see if Aaron had followed her. At church and outside Mrs. Gritton, Abby, Jennifer, Mrs. Pinne, and Tyson were searching.
I intercepted Tyson just as he was coming from searching in and around the church bus and told him that at some point we were going to need to call the police. He said to do it so I did. I called the police. All the time preceding the phone call I was constantly praying in my head that we would find him, that I was overreacting, that he was somewhere we just hadn't looked yet in the house but when I made that call, it all became real. Aaron was dead. I just knew it. I began to picture my life without him and I didn't like it. I hated it. He is a light. He is the kind of person you can't live without once you know him. He is beautiful. He is not my favorite but I have been accused of favoring him and at that moment I repented of that. I thought losing him was what I deserved for favoring him over my other children and that having him was just too good to last.
I called the police. Now it was real. Aaron was gone. While I was on the cell phone calling the police, I decided to stomp through the tall grass behind the playground where there is construction in the new subdivision. I thought maybe he would have thought the construction equipment was neat. All the while my eyes are roving back and forth over the tall grass, looking for his red sweatshirt. The 911 operator asked for my address. I drew a blank. I couldn't remember. All I could remember was the church address. I gave him the church address and then wasted what I thought was valuable time explaining to him what a parsonage is. After he got the address he asked what my emergency was. I told him I lost a child. To quote Henry, this is when things got "really real" to me. Child's age, height, last known whereabouts, eye color, hair color. Yikes. He said the police were on the way, to go back to my house to wait for them and to find a picture of Aaron to give the police. A picture. These are the pictures up at walmart, and on the tv, I thought. Aaron is a picture at walmart.
As I was walking back to the house, I saw Austen, Stephen, and Matthew on a "hill" in the neighboring farmer's soybean field. The "hill" is covered with tall grass and weeds. In looking at that picture, at those boys searching for my son, I had my most disturbing image yet; I saw in my mind Aaron, limp and bloody, discovered on that hill. I turned my head and walked to the house. By now I'm sobbing. When I got back to my house several people were congregated in the yard. Jennifer gave me a hug. Kelly was in the house. She kept touching me, telling me we'd find him, comforting me. I said, "I have to find a picture," and went into my office. Allison was still in there, no longer asleep since I had searched in there at least twice, all the while yelling Aaron's name. I went to a bookshelf where i knew there were some finished scrapbook pages that had pictures of the children on them. I looked through the pictures. Kelly was helping me, comforting me. She's a very comforting woman. I couldn't find a picture of just Aaron in the scrapbook pages so I crossed the room and looked in a drawer that I knew had several envelopes of developed pictures. I am alternately crying, hyperventilating, and criticizing myself, all the while being consoled by Mrs. Correll. I finally found a picture of Aaron. In this picture he is in a wading pool in the Gritton's back yard in Florida. Aaron and Nate or Eli, I can't remember, had gone outside to play and gotten into the wading pool which was filled with mud, bark dust, rain water, and dirty toys. Rebekah and I had both hurriedly gotten cameras before we got them out of the water and cleaned up because they both looked so surprised that what they were doing was wrong. Just as I found the picture, Tyson came down the hall and said to me, "Come on, the police are here."
As I was walking down the hall I said to my husband, "I need you to tell me you're not mad at me right now. It's really important for me to know you're not angry." He said nothing. I went outside. There were two police officers there. One of them approached me and asked me if I was the person who called, if I was the missing child's mother. He began asking about times. What time did I put him to bed, what time did Tyson leave, what time did Annie go on her walk, what time did I finish Pilates, what time did I notice he was gone, etc. I kept saying, "I had to have let him walk right by me, how did I not notice him leaving?" I could not get past the idea that I had terribly neglected my maternal duties if I was so absorbed in a video that I let a small child escape without even noticing! Then he asked for a list of all the adults who had access to the house. I had one streamer thought, that "oh no! He's going to think Annie did it!"
As I was listing all the people who had been in and out, Micah Correll and Henry ran out of the house. Micah shouted, "hey! we found him!" It didn't register with me. I looked up. They were coming out of the house and he wasn't in the house so I began to disregard them. Then I heard the other officer speak into his radio, "We got 'im," he said. I A) didn't trust Micah and Henry; and B) didn't want the search to be called off too soon so I said, "I'm not sure about that, wait a second." I had to see for myself. I followed them in. "He's over there," I was told. It seems like Abby or Tyson or maybe Mrs. Correll did see him before me so I finally began to hope but I still had to see for myself.
I looked. In the corner, under a desk and behind another desk, and behind a board/shelf that had been removed from a desk, there was a little white hand sticking out. It was Aaron's hand! I walked back into the hall. Both the police officers were there. "Was it him?" He asked. It was. I blubbered and gushed for a while then found myself exasperated, "He's so infuriating!" Someone laughed. I felt terrible. I felt like such a drama queen. Who calls the police for a missing child when the kid is in the next room over from where you put him down for nap??! I felt ridiculous. I admitted how foolish I had been to overreact and get everyone all riled up. The office was very reassuring. He told me that, "99.9% of the time this is what happens. The child has just hidden. The child is safe. You didn't overreact. You did the right thing." I was very reassured to hear this but I still do feel silly that I made such a big deal out of a four-year-old sneaking graham crackers and falling asleep. Yes, that's right. The whole things was because the boy had stolen a box of graham crackers and hidden to eat them and then fell asleep. That just about sums my boy up. He is so infuriating!
Update: Tyson later told me that as I was walking outside to speak to the police, that he had never felt more sympathy for me in his life as he did then. He said he knew that if Aaron was gone that I would feel guilty forever for losing him.
Normal morning, normal afternoon. I delayed nap a little later than usual because I was waiting for Abby to bring Luke and Allison over to take their naps here while she cleaned. At about 1:45 I put Peter, Lizzy, Luke, and Allison to bed. Peter and Lizzy were in their rooms, in their usual beds. Luke was on the couch in the basement and Allison was in the pack & play in my office/sewing room. Aaron was last, I put him to bed in my room at about 5 'till two. I gave him a stack of books to read which I normally do when I don't have the time to read him his "Five books, mom. Just five... okay four. Four books." and so on, while we negotiate. All this so Erin and I could have the privacy to attempt a Pilates workout video. At about 2:00, Tyson came home to change for P.E. He changed, said hello to Aaron, and left at about ten after. We waited for Tyson to leave before we turned on the tape.
After Tyson left, Erin and I began our Pilates. At some point during the video, Annie left and came back, having taken James for a walk. When Erin and I had completely exhausted ourselves and finished only about 2/3 of the workout, we concluded that our legs were rubbery enough and decided to call it quits.
I went in my room to change out of my sweats. It was right before 3:00. Aaron was not in my bed. This was not particularly alarming because I hadn't read to him until he fell asleep so it was normal that he would get out of bed and wander off to play. Unusual though, that I hadn't heard him go by the living room, which he would have had to do do if he had gone downstairs. I went downstairs to look for him. I looked in Joel and Annie's room, the playroom, the storage room, the boys' room, the living room, and all the nooks and crannies in those rooms. I looked under beds, behind furniture, under furniture, in closets, behind totes, and behind curtains in every room downstairs. Then I looked upstairs. By now I had told Annie that I couldn't find Aaron and all this time so far Erin had been looking too. He wasn't in the house. This had never happened before. I didn't want to panic. I'm not a panic kind of person. I also don't cry at weddings.
I went to the church to look for him. My next best guess was that he went down there to visit with dad or find his brothers. As I arrived at the church, school was just getting out but the side doors were still locked so I rattled the door until someone came and opened it. Mrs. Gritton came to see who was rattling the doors since apparently it's hard on the locks to do that. I can see why she was annoyed and any other time I would have been contrite but at the time I was thinking, "my son is lost and you're worried about me damaging the locks?!" I told her as I ran by that Aaron was lost and I was looking at the church for him. I found Ty, told him that Aaron was missing and then went home to look again.
At some point during the initial search Kelly Correll called me to see if she could drop off some clothes. I told her that Aaron was missing and then hung up on her. So rude! At this point Annie and Erin were tracing the route Annie had taken on her walk to see if Aaron had followed her. At church and outside Mrs. Gritton, Abby, Jennifer, Mrs. Pinne, and Tyson were searching.
I intercepted Tyson just as he was coming from searching in and around the church bus and told him that at some point we were going to need to call the police. He said to do it so I did. I called the police. All the time preceding the phone call I was constantly praying in my head that we would find him, that I was overreacting, that he was somewhere we just hadn't looked yet in the house but when I made that call, it all became real. Aaron was dead. I just knew it. I began to picture my life without him and I didn't like it. I hated it. He is a light. He is the kind of person you can't live without once you know him. He is beautiful. He is not my favorite but I have been accused of favoring him and at that moment I repented of that. I thought losing him was what I deserved for favoring him over my other children and that having him was just too good to last.
I called the police. Now it was real. Aaron was gone. While I was on the cell phone calling the police, I decided to stomp through the tall grass behind the playground where there is construction in the new subdivision. I thought maybe he would have thought the construction equipment was neat. All the while my eyes are roving back and forth over the tall grass, looking for his red sweatshirt. The 911 operator asked for my address. I drew a blank. I couldn't remember. All I could remember was the church address. I gave him the church address and then wasted what I thought was valuable time explaining to him what a parsonage is. After he got the address he asked what my emergency was. I told him I lost a child. To quote Henry, this is when things got "really real" to me. Child's age, height, last known whereabouts, eye color, hair color. Yikes. He said the police were on the way, to go back to my house to wait for them and to find a picture of Aaron to give the police. A picture. These are the pictures up at walmart, and on the tv, I thought. Aaron is a picture at walmart.
As I was walking back to the house, I saw Austen, Stephen, and Matthew on a "hill" in the neighboring farmer's soybean field. The "hill" is covered with tall grass and weeds. In looking at that picture, at those boys searching for my son, I had my most disturbing image yet; I saw in my mind Aaron, limp and bloody, discovered on that hill. I turned my head and walked to the house. By now I'm sobbing. When I got back to my house several people were congregated in the yard. Jennifer gave me a hug. Kelly was in the house. She kept touching me, telling me we'd find him, comforting me. I said, "I have to find a picture," and went into my office. Allison was still in there, no longer asleep since I had searched in there at least twice, all the while yelling Aaron's name. I went to a bookshelf where i knew there were some finished scrapbook pages that had pictures of the children on them. I looked through the pictures. Kelly was helping me, comforting me. She's a very comforting woman. I couldn't find a picture of just Aaron in the scrapbook pages so I crossed the room and looked in a drawer that I knew had several envelopes of developed pictures. I am alternately crying, hyperventilating, and criticizing myself, all the while being consoled by Mrs. Correll. I finally found a picture of Aaron. In this picture he is in a wading pool in the Gritton's back yard in Florida. Aaron and Nate or Eli, I can't remember, had gone outside to play and gotten into the wading pool which was filled with mud, bark dust, rain water, and dirty toys. Rebekah and I had both hurriedly gotten cameras before we got them out of the water and cleaned up because they both looked so surprised that what they were doing was wrong. Just as I found the picture, Tyson came down the hall and said to me, "Come on, the police are here."
As I was walking down the hall I said to my husband, "I need you to tell me you're not mad at me right now. It's really important for me to know you're not angry." He said nothing. I went outside. There were two police officers there. One of them approached me and asked me if I was the person who called, if I was the missing child's mother. He began asking about times. What time did I put him to bed, what time did Tyson leave, what time did Annie go on her walk, what time did I finish Pilates, what time did I notice he was gone, etc. I kept saying, "I had to have let him walk right by me, how did I not notice him leaving?" I could not get past the idea that I had terribly neglected my maternal duties if I was so absorbed in a video that I let a small child escape without even noticing! Then he asked for a list of all the adults who had access to the house. I had one streamer thought, that "oh no! He's going to think Annie did it!"
As I was listing all the people who had been in and out, Micah Correll and Henry ran out of the house. Micah shouted, "hey! we found him!" It didn't register with me. I looked up. They were coming out of the house and he wasn't in the house so I began to disregard them. Then I heard the other officer speak into his radio, "We got 'im," he said. I A) didn't trust Micah and Henry; and B) didn't want the search to be called off too soon so I said, "I'm not sure about that, wait a second." I had to see for myself. I followed them in. "He's over there," I was told. It seems like Abby or Tyson or maybe Mrs. Correll did see him before me so I finally began to hope but I still had to see for myself.
I looked. In the corner, under a desk and behind another desk, and behind a board/shelf that had been removed from a desk, there was a little white hand sticking out. It was Aaron's hand! I walked back into the hall. Both the police officers were there. "Was it him?" He asked. It was. I blubbered and gushed for a while then found myself exasperated, "He's so infuriating!" Someone laughed. I felt terrible. I felt like such a drama queen. Who calls the police for a missing child when the kid is in the next room over from where you put him down for nap??! I felt ridiculous. I admitted how foolish I had been to overreact and get everyone all riled up. The office was very reassuring. He told me that, "99.9% of the time this is what happens. The child has just hidden. The child is safe. You didn't overreact. You did the right thing." I was very reassured to hear this but I still do feel silly that I made such a big deal out of a four-year-old sneaking graham crackers and falling asleep. Yes, that's right. The whole things was because the boy had stolen a box of graham crackers and hidden to eat them and then fell asleep. That just about sums my boy up. He is so infuriating!
Update: Tyson later told me that as I was walking outside to speak to the police, that he had never felt more sympathy for me in his life as he did then. He said he knew that if Aaron was gone that I would feel guilty forever for losing him.
a rose by any other name
"Mom, what's a mom?"
"A mom is someone who has babies."
"Oh. Are you a mom?"
"Do I have babies?"
"Yes, you have lots of babies."
"How many babies do I have?"
"A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, and a lot." Here he holds up ten fingers.
"Do I have ten babies?"
"No."
"How many do I have?"
"This many," holding up five fingers.
"And what are their names?"
"Air, Oh, Aye, Oooo, Aaaaeeter, dat is your babies. And Er, and Eeee. Dat is your babies' name. Now you talk your babies' names"
"Austen, Henry, Aaron, Peter, and Lizzy."
"Nooooooooo! Just Austen, Henry, Peter and Lizzy. I will be a baby next week."
"A mom is someone who has babies."
"Oh. Are you a mom?"
"Do I have babies?"
"Yes, you have lots of babies."
"How many babies do I have?"
"A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, and a lot." Here he holds up ten fingers.
"Do I have ten babies?"
"No."
"How many do I have?"
"This many," holding up five fingers.
"And what are their names?"
"Air, Oh, Aye, Oooo, Aaaaeeter, dat is your babies. And Er, and Eeee. Dat is your babies' name. Now you talk your babies' names"
"Austen, Henry, Aaron, Peter, and Lizzy."
"Nooooooooo! Just Austen, Henry, Peter and Lizzy. I will be a baby next week."
Friday, November 4, 2011
best IM convo EVAR, babay!
hubby: i was just curious if we could go to lunch together but I dont know if annie would be willing
i didnt know if somehow erin made it over or not
me: no erin
and I'll ask
me: she said she'd watch them for lunch!
hubby: cool, be totally ready
sunny china? sold!
me: whatever
I'll be ready
hubby: is that ok or do you hate?
me: never been there
hubby: it has a boo-fay
hubby: grab keys and drive van to edge of grass
I'm lazy
me: where are keys
hubby: to the Kingdom?
I think Peter had them last
me: lol
seriously
super
funny
hubby: only because it could apply to the actual keys you are looking for
i didnt know if somehow erin made it over or not
me: no erin
and I'll ask
me: she said she'd watch them for lunch!
hubby: cool, be totally ready
sunny china? sold!
me: whatever
I'll be ready
hubby: is that ok or do you hate?
me: never been there
hubby: it has a boo-fay
hubby: grab keys and drive van to edge of grass
I'm lazy
me: where are keys
hubby: to the Kingdom?
I think Peter had them last
me: lol
seriously
super
funny
hubby: only because it could apply to the actual keys you are looking for
Thursday, October 13, 2011
what belongs where according to Aaron
Today we were informed that:
Legs belong to pants.
Moon belongs to night.
Milk belongs to cereal.
Cereal belongs to bed.
and, most importantly,
Boys do not belong to the dumpster.
Courtesy of Aaron Mark Olheiser
Legs belong to pants.
Moon belongs to night.
Milk belongs to cereal.
Cereal belongs to bed.
and, most importantly,
Boys do not belong to the dumpster.
Courtesy of Aaron Mark Olheiser
Thursday, September 15, 2011
even MORE chacha love
Q: Is Dick Cheney really a vampire?
A: No one knows for sure. Not even ChaCha, but I think he might be.
A: No one knows for sure. Not even ChaCha, but I think he might be.
rawr and similar
Henry left his popsicle in the freezer at church/school and remembered it when he got home so I told him to go down and ask daddy to get it for him then I skyped daddy to let him know to let Henner in. A few minutes later Henry arrived breathless with this tale:
"I heard the door open and I saw dad and I saw his foot and when daddy was going to give me the popcicle, he said he ate it but he was joking that he ate it because I could see it in his pocket so I grabbed it out then he tricked me of giving me a hug but he didn't really he just tried to get it then he started chasing me. Then I ran to the house and I didn't show it to daddy so he wouldn't get it. Yep, that's it"
I relayed it to daddy and he asked, "do you think that's the type of event he'll remember forever, like 'rawr'?" (rawr is a wrestling/chasing game my brother and sister and I used to play in, on, and around the living room furniture with my dad when we were children)
"I hope so," I replied, "I really hope so."
I really hope so.
"I heard the door open and I saw dad and I saw his foot and when daddy was going to give me the popcicle, he said he ate it but he was joking that he ate it because I could see it in his pocket so I grabbed it out then he tricked me of giving me a hug but he didn't really he just tried to get it then he started chasing me. Then I ran to the house and I didn't show it to daddy so he wouldn't get it. Yep, that's it"
I relayed it to daddy and he asked, "do you think that's the type of event he'll remember forever, like 'rawr'?" (rawr is a wrestling/chasing game my brother and sister and I used to play in, on, and around the living room furniture with my dad when we were children)
"I hope so," I replied, "I really hope so."
I really hope so.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
happiness sense
Aaron: "I'm a good boy."
Me: "why are you a good boy?"
Aaron: "because I'm smart."
Me: "And why are you smart?"
Aaron: "Because I'm good."
Me: "Let me get this straight, you are smart because you're good and you are good because you're smart?"
Aaron: "yes."
Me: "That makes sense."
Aaron: "yes. That makes good happiness sense."
Me: "why are you a good boy?"
Aaron: "because I'm smart."
Me: "And why are you smart?"
Aaron: "Because I'm good."
Me: "Let me get this straight, you are smart because you're good and you are good because you're smart?"
Aaron: "yes."
Me: "That makes sense."
Aaron: "yes. That makes good happiness sense."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
it's lurrrrve
Lizzy has a bag of pinto beans. She pilfered it from the pantry this morning. I saw her drop it once and although she was racing down the hall on turbo, she turned around for it. She loves her pinto beans. She raced into my office to tell me something (which I definitely understood, seeing as how I am fluent in both gibberish and squeaks) and after she completed her complete sentence (in gibberish, some squeaks) complete with nouns, verbs, proper nouns, and some misplaced pauses, she looked at me blankly. Based on her statement, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. She hadn't asked me a question... what should I do, what should I say? I resorted to the obvious: "You sure do love those pinto beans, don't you Lizzy?"
She looked at me solemnly.
Nodded.
"ahhhh... duh"
She looked at me solemnly.
Nodded.
"ahhhh... duh"
Saturday, June 4, 2011
More ChaCha love
Q: My wife asked me to encourage her and I end up telling her that
marathon training is an idol and she is wasting childbearing years.
How do I always do that?
A: It sounds like you are just a jerk.
marathon training is an idol and she is wasting childbearing years.
How do I always do that?
A: It sounds like you are just a jerk.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
tastes like Canada
I made some chicken yesterday. It was good. I was telling my sister about how to make it. "I just took some chicken legs and I put olive oil on them and then some steak seasoning, some Montreal steak seasoning, and believe me I hate myself for getting Canadian steak seasoning..."
at this point she interrupted, "oh just admit you love Canada. Admit it's your favorite State..." [insert long pause while she realizes that Canada is not a state] "... in the Union"
Now she's insisting that she knew all along that Canadia is not a state. Sure.
Get some Montreal steak seasoning. it. is. amazing.
at this point she interrupted, "oh just admit you love Canada. Admit it's your favorite State..." [insert long pause while she realizes that Canada is not a state] "... in the Union"
Now she's insisting that she knew all along that Canadia is not a state. Sure.
Get some Montreal steak seasoning. it. is. amazing.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I just won
One of my wife's favorite past times is to unlock the bathroom door and steal my laptop (I play music on my laptop) while I'm in the shower. Is that a state, federal, or moral crime?
Unfortunately, No. It just sounds like your wife is playing a joke on you. It is probably better to keep the laptop out of the bathroom anyways. Water can damage it for good! ChaCha On!
Unfortunately, No. It just sounds like your wife is playing a joke on you. It is probably better to keep the laptop out of the bathroom anyways. Water can damage it for good! ChaCha On!
Friday, April 22, 2011
I don't think so...
I don't get this. The answered seemed kind of leading so I carefully considered those that I thought were Elizabeth's answers... I do not relate to Elizabeth AT ALL! I don't think I'm smart enough or reserved enough (!!!)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I heart vampires (apparently)
My husband and I caught a couple minutes of an interview with a guy named Robert Pattinson. Every other word that came out of his mouth was punctuated by female screams so my husband says to me, "What is that? All you have to have is an accent and be reasonably attractive and all these women scream at you."
To which I replied, "I don't think it's like that, I think he was in those vampire movies that all the teenagers are crazy about."
"Ohhhh I see... that makes sense now"
I switched the channel. I thought we were done. Incorrect.
"Why is it with you that no matter what we are talking about you always bring the subject back to vampires?"
I laughed. I did. I hate encouraging him but I couldn't help it. I laughed. A lot. So he continued:
"In Sunday school even, I have to tell you, 'Rebekah, we weren't even talking about vampires.' "
oh man.
Fine print:
I have never read a book about, watched a movie about, or been obsessed with a young British man who plays a vampire, just in case you were going to judge me. Take it.
To which I replied, "I don't think it's like that, I think he was in those vampire movies that all the teenagers are crazy about."
"Ohhhh I see... that makes sense now"
I switched the channel. I thought we were done. Incorrect.
"Why is it with you that no matter what we are talking about you always bring the subject back to vampires?"
I laughed. I did. I hate encouraging him but I couldn't help it. I laughed. A lot. So he continued:
"In Sunday school even, I have to tell you, 'Rebekah, we weren't even talking about vampires.' "
oh man.
Fine print:
I have never read a book about, watched a movie about, or been obsessed with a young British man who plays a vampire, just in case you were going to judge me. Take it.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Tyson + chacha = lurrrrrve
Q: Why is it that when Gandalf strikes his staff and shouts "you shall not pass," it is considered epic but when I do the same thing in my cousin's basement with a pool cue, it is considered "annoying?"
A:Because not everyone gets the reference, and not everyone can appreciate how cool Gandalf is. ChaCha again!
Q: If my wife is upset at me for not doing the dishes, would it be wise to break into "every rose has it thorns"?
A: noooooo, apologize and do them
Q: The other day, I told my wife that she was being destructive for spraying cleanser on the kitchen floor. Does that make sense enough to be considered rude?
A: I don't think so! You were just concerned! ChaCha!
Q: What is a polite way of checking whether someone is deep in prayer or simply sleeping? I'm hungry, so please answer quickly.
A: There is no polite way to handle that. If the person is in a deep prayer, it would be rude to interrupt him.
Q: Who do you think will win the 1990 NBA finals?
A: I think the Los Angeles Lakers will defeat the Orlando Magic to win the NBA Championship, but I hope I am wrong.
Q: My wife always says, "we have the toughest kids in the world." Is it even possible to know that?
A: No, not really but I'm assuming it's just a figure of speech.
Q: My wife hasn't responded to my text messages for at least 15 minutes. Should I worry?
A: I wouldn't worry. She may be busy and can't come to the phone right away.
Q: When Denethor said he would not use the ring "unless at the uttermost end of need," why does my heart tell me that he isn't being a true boy?
A: You think that he is not telling the truth. Go with your gut ! -ChaCha
Q: Why did Denethor say that Faramir surrendered Osgiliath on a whim? Was he exaggerating to make a point?
A: Denethor stated that Faramir surrendered Osgiliath on a whim because he was disappointed in his actions in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. ChaCha!
Q: I am having a debate with my 7 year old son. He says that the Zelda for the NES is harder, but the Zelda for N64 is better. Is that true?
A: Having played the NES version, but not the N64 version, I remember that it was rather difficult. I was pretty young at the time though! ChaCha on!
Q: I have heard "all is fair in love and war" but this excuse rarely works when I forget to take out the garbage. What gives?
A: I don't know but sometimes sayings can't get you out of doing your chores.
Q: I have heard people schedule night events and say, "we will meet, rain or shine." Should I assume the event is canceled if it doesn't rain?
A: It is just figurative language describing no matter the conditions something will happen.
Q: Which would be a better fighter: a dwarf with a bow or an elf with a battle axe?
A: They would both equally stink
Q: Why couldn't Gandalf persuade the Balrog to help the fellowship get through the mines of Moria?
A: He was restricted from unveiling his true might, except in the direst need, by the Lords of the West. Thanks for using ChaCha!
Q: I've heard some people refer to an ATM as an "automatic ATM machine." Is the beauty of abbreviations lost on them forever?
A: Sounds like it. At that point they might as well call if by its full name. ChaCha On!
On this one I beg to differ:
Q:Which would be a mightier force: 10 dwarves, 10 elves, 10 men, or 10 Gandalfs?
A: The mightier force would be 10 dwarves. The dwarves had a far better motive to fight, and therefore more willpower. Dwarves were more or less experts in fighting.
and my absolute FAVORITE:
Q: I'm hungry but I'm not sure how to ask my wife for a second dinner. Any suggestions?
A: I think if you want more to eat you should get it yourself.
This one was mine and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with whoever answered it:
Q: Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell, anyway?
A: No, my Lord Aragorn......we are alone.
A:Because not everyone gets the reference, and not everyone can appreciate how cool Gandalf is. ChaCha again!
Q: If my wife is upset at me for not doing the dishes, would it be wise to break into "every rose has it thorns"?
A: noooooo, apologize and do them
Q: The other day, I told my wife that she was being destructive for spraying cleanser on the kitchen floor. Does that make sense enough to be considered rude?
A: I don't think so! You were just concerned! ChaCha!
Q: What is a polite way of checking whether someone is deep in prayer or simply sleeping? I'm hungry, so please answer quickly.
A: There is no polite way to handle that. If the person is in a deep prayer, it would be rude to interrupt him.
Q: Who do you think will win the 1990 NBA finals?
A: I think the Los Angeles Lakers will defeat the Orlando Magic to win the NBA Championship, but I hope I am wrong.
Q: My wife always says, "we have the toughest kids in the world." Is it even possible to know that?
A: No, not really but I'm assuming it's just a figure of speech.
Q: My wife hasn't responded to my text messages for at least 15 minutes. Should I worry?
A: I wouldn't worry. She may be busy and can't come to the phone right away.
Q: When Denethor said he would not use the ring "unless at the uttermost end of need," why does my heart tell me that he isn't being a true boy?
A: You think that he is not telling the truth. Go with your gut ! -ChaCha
Q: Why did Denethor say that Faramir surrendered Osgiliath on a whim? Was he exaggerating to make a point?
A: Denethor stated that Faramir surrendered Osgiliath on a whim because he was disappointed in his actions in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. ChaCha!
Q: I am having a debate with my 7 year old son. He says that the Zelda for the NES is harder, but the Zelda for N64 is better. Is that true?
A: Having played the NES version, but not the N64 version, I remember that it was rather difficult. I was pretty young at the time though! ChaCha on!
Q: I have heard "all is fair in love and war" but this excuse rarely works when I forget to take out the garbage. What gives?
A: I don't know but sometimes sayings can't get you out of doing your chores.
Q: I have heard people schedule night events and say, "we will meet, rain or shine." Should I assume the event is canceled if it doesn't rain?
A: It is just figurative language describing no matter the conditions something will happen.
Q: Which would be a better fighter: a dwarf with a bow or an elf with a battle axe?
A: They would both equally stink
Q: Why couldn't Gandalf persuade the Balrog to help the fellowship get through the mines of Moria?
A: He was restricted from unveiling his true might, except in the direst need, by the Lords of the West. Thanks for using ChaCha!
Q: I've heard some people refer to an ATM as an "automatic ATM machine." Is the beauty of abbreviations lost on them forever?
A: Sounds like it. At that point they might as well call if by its full name. ChaCha On!
On this one I beg to differ:
Q:Which would be a mightier force: 10 dwarves, 10 elves, 10 men, or 10 Gandalfs?
A: The mightier force would be 10 dwarves. The dwarves had a far better motive to fight, and therefore more willpower. Dwarves were more or less experts in fighting.
and my absolute FAVORITE:
Q: I'm hungry but I'm not sure how to ask my wife for a second dinner. Any suggestions?
A: I think if you want more to eat you should get it yourself.
This one was mine and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with whoever answered it:
Q: Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell, anyway?
A: No, my Lord Aragorn......we are alone.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
my son, the hypochondriac
Me: "Aaron, we're going to the doctor."
Aaron: "yay!"
Me: "And if you're good again, you can pick a special treat! And afterwards we're going to the library so go get dressed"
Aaron: "nooooooooooo!"
Me: "Do you want a special treat?"
Aaron: "no"
Me: "Do you want to go to the library?"
Aaron: "no"
Me: "Do you want to go to the doctor?"
Aaron: "YES!"
Monday, March 28, 2011
muffin day
Austen: "It's muffin day," (spoken through a mouthful of muffin) "hey mom, whatever we have for breakfast, can we call it that day? Like today... is Muffin Day!"
Me: "yeah, that's a great idea. You really like muffins, don't you?"
Austen: "Yes"
Me: "Did you eat three?"
Austen: "No! I ate four!"
Me: "Wow. That's a lot of muffins"
Austen: "I know! I told you the other night that I was still hungry!"
Me: "Henry, how many did you eat? Did you eat three?"
Henry: "I ate two. They are cimmamee. Do you have any more?"
I did not.
Henry: "I just want to go downstairs"
Aaron: "I had a big one. I had one. The number of the day."
He ate four.
Elizabeth had three.
Monday, March 14, 2011
grammar
Aaron: "That's a bad book"
Erin: "That's a grammar book."
Aaron: "Gramma book?"
Me: "No, a grammar book. You should just learn how to speak English for now and worry about grammar later."
Aaron, indignantly: "I'm not a monkey!"
Sunday, March 6, 2011
our Canadian ally
Neil: "Apparently Bieber cut his hair."
Erin: "What! he doesn't have Bieber hair anymore?
Neil: "Yeah, he doesn't have Bieber hair anymore."
Erin: "What's that even look like? What do you even call it if it's not 'Beiber hair'... "
long pause
"... Hair?"
intellect
Austen was petting his sister's head this morning, as he often does:
"mom, what's this stuff in her hair?"
"It's boogers," I replied
"ew! yuck, what is she doing?!"
"well, she is sick."
With equal parts disdain and derision in his voice:
"what kind of sickness is it, one that makes her not smart ...?"
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
wanderings
at about 12:00 AM Central Standard Time, I was alarmed to hear a strange noise in the living room. Thinking I had left my cell phone in my coat pocket or similar, I made my way out to investigate. Surprisingly, every light in the house was on. More surprisingly, I found a 3-year-old boy in a swim trunks, swim shirt, snow boots, and an Optimus Prime helmet. He was repeatedly pressing the button on the helmet that made it speak, thus the mysterious noise. "I am Optimus Prime," it said, over and over. I walked over to him, "what's up, Optimus Prime?"
"I'm Optimus Crime," he replied.
"It's time for bed, Optimus Crime."
We went downstairs. All the lights were on down there too. All the puzzles were dumped out of their boxes too. We cleaned them up. And I locked up Optimus Crime's helmet. Then I put my Baby Bear to bed. Again.
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